Welcome to Hell, Dude
by AnUnhealthyUchihaObsession
Summary: "You've got a very girly name, Sakura." By the time she realized that they thought she was a boy, it was already to late. AU in which Sakura is forced to join the school band and things get very out of hand.


Haruno Sakura was not a happy camper, and never being one to hide her emotions or thoughts, she wore a fierce scowl as she stomped through the hallways of Konoha Academy, fully prepared for battle.

The day had started normally enough with her attending classes like usual, but it had taken an abrupt turn during her English lesson when the principal of the school had announced that starting today, every single student of KA had to be an official member of an after school club. Most of the student body didn´t find this all to troubling seeing as most of them were already a part of one, but Sakura, being one of the few who weren't, was suddenly faced with the trouble of not only finding an extracurricular activity on a day´s notice, but also getting accepted into said club.

So far, she´d had no luck.

It seemed as if anything that remotely even spoke to her had enough members to last the year and enough people on the substitute-list to last a lifetime. She didn´t even have any success at the school dojo! And that was really outrageous considering the fact that she had been learning martial arts since she was a tiny, pink-haired toddler. Needless to say, Sakura was not amused. Not in the slightest.

The same thing applied to other after school clubs and teams where she thought she would be able to get a membership. Sakura let out a growl, paying no attention to the students around her who whimpered as she passed. Who in their right mind would have thought that the club which spent all their time talking about different types of frogs would have been so popular? Not her, that´s for sure.

Sakura continued down the corridor until she spotted her target. She was talking to a bunch of other girls who all looked startled when she grabbed a hold of her best friend´s left arm and dragged her into the nearest room. It just so happened to be an empty classroom.

"You know," Ino began, "I´m all for spontaneous love declarations, but a girl wants a little tenderness, you know?" Ino flipped her long, blonde and beautiful ponytail over her shoulder as she scrutinized Sakura appearance.

"Oh, come of it, Ino." She snapped. "I have a serious problem I need to solve. I need you to get me into your mental preparation thingy." Sakura wasn´t quite sure what one did at a club like that, but Ino was the president of it. If anyone had the ability in this school to forcefully (if necessary) secure a spot for her on any kind of activity, it was Ino.

The tension that had surrounded her whole body was slowly leaving and Sakura began to relax. Everything was going to be-

"First of all, Forehead, it is not a mental preparation _thingy_." Ino said, irritated. "We spend our time honorably researching what makes our brain and psych healthy, and to some extent we experiment with telepathy. Second of all, I really am sorry but there is absolutely no way I can secure you a place. We aren't able to accept more students. Our club room is full enough as it is. And the final question; why in the world is your hair dripping wet?"

-awful. Absolutely awful.

Sakura felt whatever hope she had left get flushed down the toilet.

"Great," She muttered. "Just bloody great. Now I´ll not only have to spend all my afternoons with Orochimaru-sensei, I´ll have to live with the fact that no one in school wanted to have to me on their team. Woo-freaking-hoo."

She was just about ready to cry.

Orochimaru-sensei had a reputation of being a Shotacon loving pedophile. The rumor had first been introduced four years ago when he had allegedly bitten a twelve year old boy in the neck during a sports festival know as The Chuunin Exams. Why he still had a license to teach was beyond Sakura, whose number one priority was to avoid the sensei at all costs. But now, that didn´t seem possible. Not at all.

"_Well_…I think there is still _one_ after school group you haven´t tried your luck on. Though, to be completely honest, the chance you´ll actually get in is pretty much one in a trillion." Ino might tease her best friend occasionally, but she still didn´t like to see her so down.

And just like that Sakura´s hope jumped out of the toilet and did a bunch of somersaults.

"What group?" She asked, attempting to keep her grin at bay. There was still a chance to escape Orochi-pedo! She might still live to see the end of the year and without becoming mentally scarred!

"It´s an afterschool band called _The Shinobi_, and it consists out of four boys who are all drop-dead-gorgeous. I attempted to get in once when we were freshmen, but they shut me down immediately. Apparently they haven´t accepted anyone ever since our freshman year."

Sakura made a fist.

"Were can I find them?" She all but growled out.

Ino´s eyes widened. Her best friend was starting to look more and more like a crazy and wet lunatic. Why the hell her hair was drenched in water, she still didn´t know, but it hadn't escaped Ino´s radar that it was a question Sakura had actively avoided. She reached out and attempted to smooth down a rebellious strand of pink hair that was defying gravity, but Sakura just hissed again and shrank away from her touch. Yup, Ino thought dejectedly, crazy lunatic it was.

"I think they´re in the music hall," Ino began, but-"

Sakura was already sprinting down the corridor.

(Mistake number one.)

"-I think they only accept boys!" She yelled after her, crossing her arms underneath her chest.

Unfortunately, Sakura was already too far away to hear the end of the sentence. Ino sighed again. _Well_, she thought, _it´s not like she´ll get accepted either way. _

…

When Sakura burst through the door, exclaiming _very _loudly that she wasn´t going to take no for an answer, the last thing she expected was to be greeted with a room full of people. There were at least thirty teenagers in the music hall, most of which were giggling girls. They made a brief pause in order to look at her in obvious distaste, before going back to chatting with each other and looking relatively lovesick. One very pretty girl close to Sakura muttered something about "getting in line, _idiot", _but Sakura paid no heed to her.

At the end of the room there was a door, leading to the actual music hall. The room she was currently in worked as a sort of lounge were students who had chosen to have more lessons in music could sit and be in whilst they were waiting to go in and have their individual tests. Sakura guessed that _The Shinobi_ were in the actual music room, since no drop-dead gorgeous boys, as Ino had put it, could be find in this one.

The theory was proven correct when the door opened and a bawling male student came out. Just before the door was closed again, Sakura caught a glimpse of jet-black hair, but it was gone as soon as it came.

"Hey, you," Sakura said, grabbing on to the nearest person she could reach. It happened to be a boy with blonde hair and grey eyes. He whimpered pitifully. "What is going on here? Why did she come out crying?"

"T-They are holding auditions. So far none of the one´s they´ve taken into the room has been accepted. This was the penultimate audition, and then they won´t give anyone a chance to join." The boy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly with his free hand and looked very nervous. "I-I really hope I´ll get accepted. There is this girl in my class that I really lik-"

Sakura growled, releasing her grip on him. She had to get that last audition. At any cost.

The door opened again and a bored voice called out. "The last person, please come in."

And just like that Sakura had never been happier with her decision to learn martial arts.

…

There were four boys scattered around the room. The first one she caught a sight of was wearing a bright (and extremely attractive) grin and had incredibly blue eyes. His skin was tanned and his blonde hair messy, as if he had just been out running or swimming and there were three horizontal lines on either side of his face. Sakura, had this been under normal circumstances, would have probably blushed and answered his smile with a smile of her own, but alas, this was not (under _any _circumstances) a situation she was normally in and so she settled with just glaring at him evilly.

Her arm was hurting horribly and Sakura was now limping. His carefree smile just gave her very, very strong feelings of anger. Not to mention the fact that his chose of wardrobe hurt her brain.

Next to him, sitting on a chair, was the next person in line for her open scrutiny.

His dark brown hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, but some short locks of hair still escaped and rebelliously framed his nape and neck. The boy's eyes were closed, and it was obvious that he was asleep by the way he was leaning his head against the wall. He had pierced ears.

On the other side of the room, there was an extremely handsome boy with dark hair and darker eyes. His skin was pale but creamy, and his eyes were framed by thick lashes Sakura dreamed secretly about owning. He would have probably been more beautiful if it hadn´t been for the ever present scowl on his face and disapproving eyes. Eyes which were quite obviously finding her lacking.

Sakura longed to erase his facial expression. _Oh, yes_, Inner Sakura agreed, _he would be much better with a broken nose and a black eye._

Still, Sakura figured that she wouldn´t win herself any points by randomly attacking a member of the band she was hoping to join before any words had even been uttered.

Moving on, she noted that there was a high chance that the boy with the scowling face had a twin brother in the band. His hair and eyes were dark black as well, but his skin tone was paler, almost as if he was completely devoid of any color. Sakura felt like she was staring at an old black-and-white picture. The whole thing was made even more bizarre by the fact that he was wearing what looked like a midriff shirt and a fake smile.

"So…What are you performing or singing?" Scowly-face muttered. "We don´t have all day."

…

"What?"

"I asked you what you were going to perform or sing. I´m guessing your talent is singing. You don´t look like the type who knows how to do anything else."

Sakura bristled. Partially because it was an asshole-y thing to say, but also because it was true. In her haste to get accepted into a club she had forgotten that this club wasn´t so much of a _club_, but more of a _band_.

Inner Sakura face-palmed.

"Ehh…I´ll be singing. A song." Scowly-face looked at her like she was mental.

"That´s great!" The blonde exclaimed happily, eyes sparkling. "I really like songs!"

"Dickless, shut up."

"I`M NOT DICKLESS, YOU-"

Sakura grabbed the opportunity to think whilst the boys were arguing amongst themselves. Her day was finally heading in the right direction. Sakura had always considered herself good at singing, and her late grandmother had even gone as far as to say that she had the voice of an angel. This was going to be a walk in the park.

"I´ll be singing _I Will Always Love You_ by Whitney Houston." She said, sending Scowly-face a smug smile. Deciding to skip to the beat part, she slowly began to sing.

"_I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you´ll have all you´ve dreamed of." _She picked up momentum, closing her eyes and flinging her arms out. "_And I wish to you, joy and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love. AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!" _Sakura finished, opening her eyes.

All the boys were looking at her with wide eyes and dropped jaws. Sakura smiled. She was going to get accep-

"What _was _that?" The previously sleeping person said, his voice unsteady. Sakura stared at him in outrage. Strike one.

"I don´t know." Scowly-face continued. "But, I think my ears are bleeding." Strike two.

The blonde shivered and muttered something about needing ramen.

"B-but I-" Sakura began.

"Please close the door on your way out."

Strike three.

"NO!" Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at her. "I AM NOT SPENDING MY TIME AFTER SCHOOL WITH OROCHIMARU-SENSEI. YOU ARE GOING TO ACCEPT ME OR I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT NONE OF YOU WILL LEAVE THIS ROOM WITH YOUR LIMBS STILL ATTATCHED TO YOUR BODY!"

…

Silence.

Sakura breath was heavy, and she was starting to feel extremely sheepish. And also, quite red in the face.

"W-well." The blonde one said, shakily. "I for one think that you could be a nice addition to The Shinobi. I mean, if we ever turn into a screamo band, you would come in hand-"

"Quiet, Naruto." The boy who had slept earlier eyed her thoughtfully. "This person might come in handy much earlier than that. "

"I think I understand what you're talking about." Scowly-face said. "This person doesn´t necessarily have to be a part of the band in the way we all thought."

Sakura stared at them, feeling very confused but hopeful at the same time. She ran a hand through her wet hair. The midriff wearing person nodded.

"What´s your name?" He asked.

"Sakura." She answered.

"Sakura? That´s a very girly name." He said, looking at her oddly.

"Uhh…yeah?" She responded, crinkling her eyebrow. "Thanks?"

"I´m Sai, by the way. This is Sasuke. That sleepy one by drumbs is Shikamaru, and Dickless´ name is Naruto."

"I`M NOT DICKL-" The one named Naruto began angrily. Sasuke sent him a glare.

"Dobe."

"I`M NOT A DOB-"

"This is so troublesome." Shikamaru muttered and leaned his head against the wall again. Now that his eyes were open she could see that they were a beautiful shade of dark brown. Like molten chocolate.

Or dirt.

"Moving on," he continued. "We accept you as a member of The Shinobi. From here on now you´ll be working as our bodyguard and bouncer. Practice is everyday and three thirty."

…

"…EHH?"

Sasuke smirked evilly at her.

"In other words, welcome to hell, dude."

_Authors note:_

_YAY! Finally finished with this monster. It´s a good thing too, because I am literally leaving for the airport in less than 30 minutes. Please review if you feel like it! It´ll make me more update faster, I promise. :) Plot thickens next chapter, and I´m introducing more Naruto characters. _

_But, with nothing else to say; merry Christmas, or happy holidays if you don´t celebrate Christmas and a happy new year! :D _


End file.
